Some days are just so hard.

Dear Daisy,
I've been thinking about you a lot today. Not that I don't think about you every day. But for some reason today you have weighed heavily on my mind. I've been trying so hard to make you proud of me. Proud to have such a strong Momma. Some days it's just really hard. I wonder all the time why you had to die and drug addicted Moms get to have their babies. Why do Moms that beat their children have theirs? Why can't I have you? Life is just unfair sometimes I know. If love could have kept you alive you would have lived to be a billion and beyond. I just don't understand how Mommy and Daddy did everything right and still lost you. We waited so long for you. We made sure that financially we could give you anything you could have ever desired. And yet looking back... it didn't matter. The stuff didn't matter. I would gladly give everything I have away just to hold you in my arms one more time, to hear you cry, to watch you grow. I just don't understand. I guess it's just one of those things that Mommy is just going to have to accept. Hopefully it will come with time.

Mommy and Daddy met with genetics on Weds. The geneticist told us that she has only seen your kind of genes once before. We knew you were special my sweetie. However she also said the likelihood that this would happen again would be like getting struck with lightening twice...in the same day. She also said Mommy is young (ha she doesn't feel young) but that she has age on her side. We still don't have your final autopsy results back. Which kind of annoys Mommy. I'm just trying to be patient. It's hard sometimes. So what does this information tell us about the future? It tells us that Mommy and Daddy could have a healthy baby. We could give you a healthy sibling. Someday that is. It still doesn't affect our timeline, as we don't have one. I still don't know if I can handle going through another pregnancy with the chance of losing another baby. It's a very scary thing. Having a healthy baby is such a gift. Such a wonderful gift that many people take for granted.

So after the appointment Mommy and Daddy went couponing. Lucky for Mommy your Daddy likes to shop too. I'm sure you would have as well. By the end of the day we actually ended up making money. How funny is that? Your Daddy was so proud of Mommy's couponing skills. We had a lot of good laughs all day. Your Daddy has been working hard on making some upgrades to our house. He completely remodeled the guest bath, is working on the back splash in the kitchen, and is going to put hardwoods down in the downstairs. I think it's because he needs to keep himself busy like Mommy. So your Mommy is going to stay busy couponing and Daddy is going to work on his projects. You are so special sweet baby. I miss you. Have fun making new friends up in heaven. And watch over Mommy and Daddy.

With so much love and kisses,
Your Mommy
Lauren