Dear Daisy,
Hello my sweet girl. I hope things are going well for you in heaven. I'm sure if you are anything like your Daddy you have made a bunch of friends already. Maybe you have met some of my old patients. Hopefully everyone will keep you busy until you get to see Mommy and Daddy again.
Speaking of keeping busy.. Mommy just doesn't know what to do with herself now. I've always been in school and worked. And when I graduated I had you to prepare for. Now what? I'm off work 4 days a week and really have nothing to do. So Mommy decided to do 2 things... apply back to school and become a "krazy" coupon lady. Go ahead make fun. It is pretty funny. So today will be my first trip to Rite Aid with all my coupons. The goal is to pay $5.18 and get $5 in reward bucks. So, I'll essentially be paying 18 cents. Yea, sweetheart your Mommy is that cool. hehe. As for school, the plan is to start back this fall. Those are the plans for life so far.
People ask me all the time about when we are going to "try again". I don't really like that wording. Because we did succeed in creating you. You did exist. I know you aren't here on earth with us but we did succeed with you. I just don't want you to ever think you were a failure. Your time with us brought us so much joy even if it was just for 9 months. As for the answer to that question.. I honestly don't know. My heart hurts. My body is fully recovered and has been. However, I also don't want a "replacement".. I just want my Daisy back. I don't think there will ever be a moment where I am emotionally ready. Whether I get pregnant tomorrow or 6 years from now there will always be hurt. Mommy will always be scared. I know you would want us to give you siblings. And Mommy also knows that you wouldn't want losing you to ruin our dreams of being parents to children on earth. My plan is to continue to enjoy life with Daddy. I love him so very much but you know that.
Some days are very hurtful for Mommy. Almost everyday at work one of my patient's parents asks me if I have any children. How do I even answer that question? I've told people I had a daughter. I've told others no... but then they pry and ask when am I going to have a baby? I want to scream and say "I HAD a daughter 8 weeks ago but now she is gone and I am grieving!". Usually after they find out I have a beautiful baby in heaven things are just awkward. I guess my life is going to be one awkward moment after another for awhile. I guess on Saturday you were trying to get me to lighten up when I decided to take a "bath" in that disgusting formula. Very funny kid. I hope you laughed because I sure did. I hope there will be more moments where Mommy can just laugh and feel carefree in the future.
I love you so much Daisy Marie. Never forget that. Watch over Mommy and Daddy my love.
Loving you to the moon and back,
Your Mommy
Lauren
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