Reflections

Dear Daisy,
Being that tomorrow is the last day of 2012 I want to reflect on this past year. I can honestly say that it has been both the best and worst year of my life. 9 months of it I shared with you. There was 9 months in which I was blissfully unaware that you were sick and I would lose you. I was on top of the world. I formed a bond with you. It's so very special and magical. Nobody can ever take that away from us. And nobody will ever have that relationship with you besides me. No one ever knows the depth and passion of a mother's love until you become one. I never thought that was true until I became one.

You and I shared so many experiences together over the past year. So many awesome adventures that I will hold dear to my heart forever. Mommy graduated nursing school this year. A dream that has been mine my whole life, and it finally came true. The most special part about it is, my beautiful daughter was right there with me when I walked across that stage. Me and you kid. We did it. Mommy also passed her nursing board exam and became a Registered Nurse. You were right there with me during that white knuckled experience. You were fluttering around and kicking like crazy the whole time. You were Mommy's good luck charm. This year Mommy also landed the job of her dreams. When all odds were against me I still got it. You and I were together all along. How special is that? This year was also Mommy and Daddy's 5 year wedding anniversary. 5 years of marriage is a long time when you are only 26 years old. Your parent's bond is stronger than ever. We are unbreakable. Partially we have you to thank for that. This year Daddy took us on a surprise anniversary trip to a little German village called Helen, Ga. We all drove down "the dragon". Which is that curvy scary interstate. You were right there with us and were probably wondering what in the world was going on. I also attended the most gorgeous baby shower in the world. It was for you. You are very loved little angel. It was wonderful.

The worst part of this year was losing you. Working around death and dying (especially of children) for the past 8 years never prepares you for when it happens to you. I could have never in my wildest nightmares imagined this pain. A piece of my soul is missing. My heart is battered and bruised. I have a hole left in me. I wouldn't wish this anguish on anyone. It's gut wrenching. I miss you so much my pretty little flower. I don't think I could ever describe the true feelings I'm feeling as there are no words for it.

There is so very much for us to be thankful for. Besides having a wonderful family, a gorgeous house, awesome job, great friends who are so supportive... there's something so monumental. Something so earth shattering... I met a real angel this year. And she was mine. My very own angel that I shared so many wonderful experiences with. This is the year that all of it happened and nothing can ever EVER overshadow those memories, after all it's the only ones I get to have with you. It was me and you this year, baby girl. So yes, I did lose you sweet baby. But I did gain so very much WITH you. I found a love that I never knew I had inside me and I got to share it with you. I love you Daisy. Watch over Mommy and Daddy.

Love always and forever,
Your Mommy
Lauren